 Welcome to our
General Webs for...
|
|
Weddings
Second Weddings - Second Marriages
|
| Our special page just for second-marriage weddings. We
(Rich and Linda, your hosts of ButlerWebs.com) had our own wedding (not
a first marriage for either of us) in April 2002. So we made up this section for all the good ideas, tips &
tricks, interesting facts, and lots of links to some great wedding Web sites --
to help you with your plans for a perfect wedding. |
As Rich and I planned our wedding, we
found some interesting (and sometimes frustrating) things. We kept notes from our own experiences as well as things that other people have
told us or advised us. We share these experiences and thoughts with you.
One of the things that other Web sites and books
never seem to touch on are the feelings the bride and groom may have when they
have been married before and their previous marriages end in divorce.
There seems to be a little black cloud of "guilt" hanging there -- and
you may feel that you may be too old or somehow not deserving of a more formal
and elegant wedding celebration. To that, we say -- BULL! If you are
really meant for each other, there is absolutely no reason on earth why you
can't have a wedding that you want. After all, this is a celebration of
your love for one another, the beginning of your new life together, and for
those of you with children, the union of two families. You are older and
wiser now and you have met the person who you know will make you happy. So
don't let the fear of being ridiculed by those people who feel a second marriage
should not be celebrated cloud your joyous occasion - the celebration of your
love, your important day. Those who scoff have their beliefs and ways of
thinking - and you have yours! So celebrate! Don't let your wedding
day come and go and then regret later the things you didn't do just because of
what other people might think. This is YOUR marriage!
However, if you are planning to have your wedding
in a church, it is important to check with your minister or rabbi first or meet with
the clergy of the church of your choice as soon as possible. We were
surprised to find that there are still many faiths that do not "smile
upon" second marriages or permit second marriages to take pace within the
place of worship. When meeting with clergy, be prepared to have to explain the
most personal and intimate details of your divorce and then be judged
accordingly. You can always choose to have the ceremony at home or in a restaurant, etc. with a Justice of the Peace officiating.
But if you are serious about having your wedding ceremony take place in church,
keep trying! Where there is a will, there is a way. We finally found
a church that asked no questions and did not require us to take six months of
pre-marriage counseling sessions.
We have read in several books and have seen on
numerous Web sites that if the bride was married before, the second
wedding should not be identical to or as elaborate as the first wedding. If the groom was married before but the bride was
not, the wedding can be as elaborate as the bride wishes.
We've also read that if the bride was married before, she should NOT
wear a veil and train as they symbolize virginity. Substitute with a hat
or hair ornament. Brides! Save yourself some time. Go to a
bridal shop! Just because you may be older or married before, you ARE
permitted to go to a bridal shop! Linda spent months searching the normal
department stores looking for an appropriate dress. Unable to find
anything and with the wedding date growing closer, she sheepishly entered Brides
By Karen & Joyce in Butler PA. When Karen asked if she could help,
Linda -- embarrassed but brave -- announced that SHE was the bride. And
guess what!? Karen had the perfect dress! A beautiful gown with no
veil, no train...a sophisticated, elegant ivory gown - proper for a 48-year-old
bride! What a relief!
We've also read that the groom should wear semi-formal wedding attire or even a business suit.
Wonder who made that rule? Wish we knew so we could send them a note of
apology because Rich wore a tuxedo! A groom in a business
suit??!! Get real!
Here are some other rules and guidelines that we
have collected from a variety of sources. (See our Wedding
Links for some of these resources.)
Wearing white is acceptable as it is no long
considered to be a symbol of virginity as it once was. It is now considered to
be a color of joy and celebration.
Invitations are usually issued by the couple
themselves. (We made our own invitations on our computer - they turned
out great!)
|
|
Wedding
Invitations
Bridal Shower Invitations
Thank You Notes And More! |
 |
|
The "Given In Marriage" portion of the
ceremony is usually omitted.
The bride may choose to walk down the aisle alone or with the groom.
If she chooses to have her father walk her down the aisle, he leaves her at his
pew and she walks to the groom alone. (Rich walked up the aisle
and met me at the entrance of the sanctuary and we walked down the aisle
together...even though both Linda's father AND stepfather were present.
This brought more than a few tears to our guests eyes!)
Children of previous marriages should be asked to participate
and given a special role. It is common now to have a "family ceremony" after the exchange of rings during the wedding
ceremony where children of the bride and groom do a special reading, exchange a
token of family commitment, and/or have a special blessing given to the new
family. (Rich and I had a family unity portion of our wedding
ceremony. Our music selection was "God Bless Our Love" and we
had a candle-lighting ceremony with both Linda's children and Rich's
children. Linda had her candle lit by her father and Rich had his candle
lit by his parents. (Linda's mother is deceased.) Rich and I then
took our candles, and together touched the flame of our candles to the wick of
each of our children's candles - one by one - lighting each of our children's
candles. (We hugged them just before we lit their candle - (less burned
clothing that way - LOL!). When all the candles were lit, we all walked to the alter
together and simultaneously lit the "family unity candle" (a large
candle with three wicks that we had placed on the alter.) After the
larger "family unity" candle was lit, each of the children then
placed their lit candle into a single candle holder pre-placed along side of
the family unity candle. We felt the large candle represented one large
family, and by leaving their individual candles lit, it represented their
individuality.)
|
|
Wedding
Candles
Unity Candles, Candle Holders
Candle Favors |
 |
|
For your
wedding candle needs...
For all your wedding needs, see
americanBRIDAL.com |
|
It is also not unusual to have the bride's son
serve as "maid of honor" or the groom's daughter act as "best
man." The new terminology for these positions seem to be "Honor
Attendants." (Rich and I asked all six of our children to be
in our wedding. Linda's three daughters were bridesmaids and Rich's son
and daughter were ushers and honor attendants.)
And this is our favorite: Second weddings tend to be less formal and
because they weren't always as common as they are now, there are not as many
traditions and customs to stick to so there is more flexibility in planning a
second wedding ceremony and reception. Make up some traditions of your own
and have fun! (Boy did we!)
FLOWERS: The only thing we have
found in our research is that Orange Blossoms are a symbol of virginity and
should not be included in the bride's bouquet.
VEILS & TRAINS: The bridal veil
(especially the "blusher" veil - the piece worn over the face) is
traditionally a symbol of virginity and second-time brides should not wear a
veil - or have a long train on their dress.
TUXEDOS: It is perfectly acceptable
for a second-time groom to wear a tux.
REMEMBER! A wedding is something to
celebrate! Marriage is a new beginning.
A wedding is a time to rejoice!
Did You
Know?
Approximately 43% of
weddings today are second marriages for one or both
partners.
|
|
|
~~~~~
|
Email received February 2008:
My son is getting married and informed me that his fiancé is planning to have me and his step-father wear tuxes. I expressed my concern that the step-father has no role/duties regarding the wedding. I additionally expressed that this would deter the significance of my position as the groom's father, since the step-father had no role in raising my son. Is it appropriate to have both of us dress/function as part of the "wedding party"?
Thank you for your time and assistance.
My answer:
Hi!
I am not an "authority" on weddings, but have some experience since I am a "second bride" (divorced and re-married) and have children who have recently been married or are about to be married.
I also have a stepfather (my parents were divorced.) When I got married the second time in 2002, I was 49 years old and had 3 grown daughters so I did not do all the "traditional" things for my second wedding. I did not feel it was appropriate to have my father walk me down the aisle due to my age and the fact that I was divorced. So neither my father or my stepfather wore a tux. If a tux had been required, I would have not asked my stepfather to wear one - only my dad. My stepfather had nothing to do with raising me (he married my mom long after I was grown) and he was not a part of the wedding party.
We had a similar situation when my daughter got married last year. My new husband had nothing to do with raising my daughter since I married him after she was grown. However, he IS my husband and I was the mother-of-the-bride. My daughter has a good relationship with my new husband (in fact, my ex-husband and new husband get along just fine.) To make things comfortable for everyone, my new husband was included in the wedding party (he was an usher) and he wore a tux like the other ushers. By having him be a member of the wedding party, he was not "left out" which would have been uncomfortable for everyone (me, him, my daughter, her husband, etc.) and could have caused hard feelings for years.
Since the members of the wedding party and everyone who was invited to the wedding and reception all knew that I was remarried, there was no problem with
distinguishing the difference between her real dad and her step-father. Her dad walked her down the aisle and did all the things the father-of-the-bride does (dance, photographs, etc.) My new husband was included in the photos with the ushers and a couple of special photos.
Unless the step-father has a role in the wedding party, I do not feel he should wear a tux. And I can certainly understand your concerns (you probably feel somewhat insulted.) It is difficult to know the right thing to do in second-marriage situations - especially when it comes to the children's weddings. The bride and groom have to think of everyone's feelings - not just yours, but the mother-of-the-groom and her husband as well. They have a relationship with all of you that has to endure the wedding itself and last for many, many years to come. Whatever happens - just remember the wedding will be over in a day, but family relationships last forever. Good luck! Enjoy the wedding. And I hope you have lots of grandkids!
Sincerely,
Linda Hemphill
ButlerWebs.com AND CollectibleWebs.com
|
~~~ Top - Directory
~~~
Second Marriage/Second Wedding Links are
presented in alphabetical order:
-
"Churches
Becoming More Accepting of Old Stigmas."
www.bergen.com/news/families2200107051.htm
-
Etiquette for the Second Wedding:
An article by by Lynn Allen, Etiquette Expert
"Marrying for the second time, whether you are the bride or the groom
or both, is fraught with etiquette anxiety for many couples. Relax. It's not
rocket science, after all. The hardest part is wording announcements and
invitations. The rest is common sense and common courtesy. Follow these
"rules of etiquette" and you will be able to rest assured that
your guests won't be snickering behind their hands at you. They'll be
sincerely enjoying your happiness with you and wishing you all the best this
time around." With sections on: Announcing Your Engagement,
Invitations, Pre-Wedding Parties, Gifts, Ceremony, Reception. To read
this informative article, go to: www.georgiabride.com/secondwedding.html
-
Getting Remarried.com: www.gettingremarried.com
-
Family Medallion®:
Today, more than one in four marriages involves children. Many brides and grooms come together with one or more children from previous relationships. Other couples may already have children of their own.
Family Medallion® resources were created to assist with "family weddings" and to provide resources for recognizing and supporting family commitments.
For more information, please see their Web site: www.FamilyMedallion.com
-
FamilyOnwards.com
The Jill Curtis helpsite for parents and grandparents. Free help and information family site with special sections for all types of
family issues
including second marriages, stepparents and "blending families."
-
Getting
Married - Second Time Around
-
Here
Comes The Bride - Again
-
Here
Comes The Bride, Again. . . Second Weddings: Etiquette, Tradition and Planning
-
How
To Get Married Again - A new book by Jill Curtis! "A guide to second weddings -- Should you have a bridal shower? Who foots the bill this time? What is a small wedding? What kind of service? Who will give the bride away? Am I 'allowed' bridesmaids? Children at the wedding? and much, much more!"
-
Involving Your Children in Your Second Wedding:
An article written by Kami Miller. "As I plan my second wedding, I am always searching for new and unique ways to involve my children in the wedding ceremony. There are many duties that children can participate in that will make them feel important and needed. A second marriage may be a bit overwhelming for a child, and giving them roles to play in the ceremony can comfort them."
To read the rest of this article, click here to go to: http://www.ultimatewedding.com/articles/get.php?action=getarticle&articleid=489
-
Is a rehearsal dinner appropriate?
-
Lavish ceremonies aren't just for first-time brides and
grooms. "Many times when the couple is doing ring exchange, the children are called up to be part of it," Feenstra said. "The parents have purchased a bracelet or a necklace or a ring or something appropriate and present it to them. It's the whole family getting married, not just the bride and groom."
Source: Lavish ceremonies aren't just for first-time brides and grooms:
Valerie Takahama, The Orange County Register, June 19, 2001 13:54:19
-
MarriageAgain.com
Found this link on 10/15/01 - but the site was still under construction.
-
Re-Marriages: An article by Lori Moore, Wedding Coordinator
"...One note of caution, no matter how friendly you are with your ex spouses family, it is not considered proper to invite an ex spouse to the wedding..."
-
Second Wedding Fashions: A good
article written by Beth Reed Rameriz on WeddingChannel.com: http://wedding.weddingchannel.com/articles/second/what2wear.asp
-
Second
Weddings
-
Second
Weddings Showcase
-
TheSecondWivesClub.com.
Great advice, articles and information for second-wives.
-
Vegas-Style Wedding Chapel - Atlantic City now offers "Vegas-Style" Wedding Chapel in the Sands Casino Hotel Madison House through local company Married Away.
Atlantic City now has a "Vegas-style" wedding chapel located in the Sands Casino. Unlike Vegas, you can't just drive in and be married - there is a 72 hour waiting period to get a license. The chapel is located in The Sands Casino Hotel's Madison House (located right next to the Sands). The Sands Madison House has a Victorian charm with a grand staircase and romantic fireplaces.
Click here for more information: www.atlanticcityweddings.com/inthenews.htm.
To renew your vows you would need to bring a certified copy of your marriage license. For vow renewals you don't have to wait the 72 hours.
~~~~~
Wedding Send-Offs |
Transform
your wedding day into the event that you have always dreamed of,
while at the same time sharing your appreciation with the
special people who have chosen to share this momentous occasion
with you. We have a wide selection of wedding
favor and gift ideas for your ceremony and wedding reception
as well as unique and elegant attendant
gifts at great values. Browse our Web site for everything
you need for your wedding including bridesmaid
gifts, groomsmen
gifts, wedding
favors, bridal
shower favors and accessories, invitations,
place
card holders, wedding
cameras, personalized
favors, unique
wedding favors, thank
you notes, and much more. |
Bubble Favors |
Unique
Wedding Favors |
Unity Candles |
|
~~~~~
|
|
|
How to plan your wedding without spending a fortune
and still have the wedding of your dreams.
Practical cheap wedding solutions for all weddings.
www.Cheap-Wedding-Solutions.com |
|
~~~~~
|
|
|
Ceremony Essentials
-
Reception Essentials
Theme Weddings
-
Wedding Party Gifts
And Much More! |
|
CoolWeddings.com specializes in
cool weddings! Find ceremony essentials, reception essentials, wedding favors,
wedding accessories, bridal accessories, bridal party gifts,
bridesmaid gifts, groomsmen and usher gifts, and unique gifts at great prices.
You can search for cool wedding gifts by price range on our Web site! If you're looking for a product that you do not see online, contact
us. We're here to help you find the best values for your cool wedding planning needs. |
|
www.CoolWeddings.com |
|
~~~~~
|
Meaningful
Marriages |
|
"I believe the essence of a marriage is based on the commitment between a man and a woman who love each other, therefore my approach is one of reflecting the values, beliefs, and meaningful aspects
of each couple's relationship. Your ceremony will be conducted with the utmost consideration and respect, and will reflect to all in attendance the love of your union." |
Rev. Larry D. Goyda
|
|
Rev. Larry
D. Goyda
- Wedding Officiant
A non-denominational ordained minister
performing wedding ceremonies since 1988.
Pittsburgh, PA 412-271-7464
Also officiating second weddings/second marriage ceremonies. |
|
For
more information, see:
www.MeaningfulMarriages.com |
|
|
Inspiration &
Motivation
|
Thoughts...
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. |
|
Top of Page
Quick Links to more Wedding Pages from
ButlerWebs:
[ Weddings - Home Page &
Index ]
[ Duties of the Wedding Party ] [ Links to Other Wedding & Marriage Web Sites ] [ Music for Weddings & Receptions ] [ Second Marriages ] [ Who Pays For What? ]
Neighborhood Webs - Western PA
Area - Weddings
Quick Links to our General Webs categories:
[ General Webs
- Home Page & Index }
[ America & The 50 States ] [ Animals, Pets & Critters ] [ Automotive ] [ Camping & Hiking ] [ Collectibles - Items For Sale ] [ Computers & Internet ] [ Entertainment ] [ Fishing ] [ Friends & Friendship ] [ Gambling - Bingo, Casinos, Lottery ] [ Gardening ] [ Holidays, Observances, Celebrity Birthdays ] [ Hunting ] [ Inspiration & Motivation ] [ Just For... ] [ Military - Armed Forces ] [ Music & Song Lyrics ] [ Older Folks & Seniors ] [ Parents & Grandparents ] [ Recipes, Food & Beverage ] [ Sports ] [ September 11, 2001 - America's Tragedy ] [ Travel & Vacation ] [ Weddings ] [ Word Fun ]
This page was last updated 03/26/08.
|
