The only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation.

Saint Christopher, the Patron Saint of Travelers.

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HollysHints.com Everyday solutions... for the everyday life! Home Hints Garden Hints Travel Hints and More!

Hint From HollysHints.com: When going on a cruise, bring an envelope clearly marked with your name and labeled as your 'medical history'.   Items to place in the envelope include a copy of your medical history that you have written ahead of time. Be sure your allergies, especially to medicines, are boldly indicated. List how to get in contact with your doctor(s). And include any other information that could help the medical staff of the ship care for you in case of emergency.

For more TRAVEL HINTS, visit HollysHints.com

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Q. Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
A. The survivors were marooned.

Submitted by Slgraber

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     A lady aboard a cruise ship was not impressed by the jazz trio in one of the shipboard restaurants.  When her waiter came around, she asked, "Will they play anything I ask?"
     "Of course!" replied the waiter.
     "Then tell them to go play shuffleboard!"

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     An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.
     A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
     "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
     "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
     The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

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These are true stories from someone who works on a cruise ship:

• (For this one, you have to know that it's really easy to get lost in the maze of corridors and elevators on a ship.) A lady asked if this elevator went to the front of the ship.

• Two elderly women were staring at the numbers of the floors listed above the elevator door. When asked if they needed any assistance with something, one asked how they were going to be able to reach way up there to push the button for their floor.

• A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk. "We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!"

• There was some mix-up with a woman's room. The clerk (or whatever they are called on ships) was trying to remedy the situation. He asked, "Would you like an inside cabin or an outside cabin?" She replied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today. I'd better get an inside cabin."

• Two women were sitting by the pool, and one asked what kind of water they fill the pool with -- fresh water or sea water? The cruise director answered, "Sea water." "Oh, that explains why it's so rough today."

• Someone -- always a man -- always asks, "does the ship run on generators?" The Cruise Director usually tells them, "No, we just have a very long power line running to the mainland."

• "What do you do with the ice sculptures after they melt?"

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A Romance Of The Sea
Written by Joseph P. Martino - Copyright 2003

A romance of the sea, majestic vessels that sail the ocean seas,
Palatial floating palaces, a happening for one to see and be
A vision, a home away from home, a treasure, a pleasure and a glee.
A romance of the sea.

A total new reality and dimension
A new generation of design and invention,
Suspending all belief and convention.
A romance of the sea.

Non-stop reviews and entertainment,
Casino and activities galore,
On each and every floor.
A romance of the sea.

Delicious and bountiful food, drinks and wine...
Superbly prepared and served, and quite divine,
Providing for a very good time.
A romance of the sea.

The magnificence of their architecture, design and decor,
Appointed tastefully on each level and floor,
Who could wish for anything more.
A romance of the sea.

Romantic days and nights spent under twinkling stars,
The best time that could be had for honeymooners between the moon and Mars.
Sightseeing, sun and fun filled ports,
Comparable in luxury and elegance to the best of world resorts.
A romance of the sea.

Copyright 2003 Joseph P. Martino

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Hollister Travel - Specialized in Cruise West Cruises,
Luxury Cruises and Small Ship Cruises. Up to 10%
Discounts on Selected Cruise Destinations and Dates.
Visit us at: SmallShipExpeditionCruising. com

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This page was last edited 05/11/06.