The Strength of a Man

The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice.
It's in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has.
It's how good of buddies he is with his children.

The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work.
It's in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits.
It's in how tender he touches.

The strength in a man isn't in the hair on his chest.
It's in his Heart . . . that lies within his chest.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift.
It's in the burdens he can carry.

--Sermon Fodder

~~~~~

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway -- and leave useless junk in the garage...

~~~~~

It's Good To Be Man!

• Your last name stays put.

• The garage is all yours.

• Wedding plans take care of themselves.

• Chocolate is just another snack.

• You can be president.

• You can wear a white t-shirt to a water park.

• Car mechanics tell you the truth.

• You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

• The world is your urinal.

• You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.

• Same work... more pay.

• Wrinkles add character.

• Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.

• People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

• New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet.

• Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

• One mood, ALL the damn time.

• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

• You know stuff about tanks.

• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

• You can open all your own jars.

• Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.

• You can leave the motel bed unmade.

• You can kill your own food.

• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

• If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

• Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

• If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

• Everything on your face stays its original color.

• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

• You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

• You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."

• You don't mooch off other's desserts.

• You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. 

• You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

• You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

• You almost never have strap problems in public.

• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. 

• You don't have to shave below your neck.

• Your belly usually hides your big hips. 

• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

• You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

~~~~~

Q. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.

~~~~~

~~~~~

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession

~~~~~

Man's Revenge Against "Just hold me"

    I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do". 
    One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
    I said, "WHAT??" 
    So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?"
    I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.
    The very next day the we went shopping at a big unnamed department store... I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK. 
    She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."
    You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank.
I then said,    "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."
    I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the spring thaw.

Submitted by TJ - Author Unknown

~~~ Top - Directory ~~~

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

~~~~~

The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.

~~~~~

Words Women Use
"Fine" - This is the word women use at the end of any argument that they feel they are right about but need to shut you up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

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This page was last edited 11/12/04.