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ButlerWebs welcomes you to... |
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WORKING
FOLKS -Page
2
Office, Workplace
& Employment
Humor, Jokes & Cartoons
Funny stuff and humor for the 9-to-5
crowd, the 3-11 gang, and the 11 to 7 peeps,
or whatever shift you may work!
ENJOY!
Scroll down to see the jokes! |
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The Working
Folks Humor Pages:
Working
Folks - Page 1
Working Folks - Page 2
(You're on this page now)
Working
Folks - Page 3
Working
Folks - Page 4
Working
Folks - Page 5
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~~~~~
Confession is good for the
soul
but bad for your career.
~~~~~
Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
~~~~~
The Secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. The Boss called
her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other
employee around here. Who told you you could come and go as you please around here ?"
Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said, "My lawyer."
~~~~~
I earn a seven-figure salary.
Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.
~~~~~
Scroll
down for more jokes!
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The
Working Folks
Humor Pages
from ButlerWebs.com |
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After a two-year long study, The National Science Foundation
announced the following results on Corporate America's recreational preferences:
- The sport of choice for male unemployed or incarcerated individuals is BASKETBALL.
- The sport of choice for male maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
- The sport of choice for male front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
- The sport of choice for male supervisors is BASEBALL.
- The sport of choice for male middle management is TENNIS.
- The sport of choice for male corporate officers is GOLF.
Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls
become...
Submitted by DkSdBubba
~~~~~
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients.
~~~~~
Murphy's Law:
Office equipment that has broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
~~~~~
I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
~~~~~
Driving down the highway one day, I saw this slogan on the back of a
well-known trucking company's vehicle: We Always Go the Extra Mile.
Then I noticed another phrase scrawled in the dirt just below it:
That's Because We Missed the Last Exit.
~~~~~
Did You
Know?
Truck drivers are especially susceptible to fatigue-related crashes. In addition to the high number of miles driven each year, many truckers may drive during the night when the body is sleepiest. Truckers may also have a high prevalence of a sleep and breathing disorder called sleep apnea. Studies suggest truck-driver fatigue may be a contributing factor in at least 30 to 40 percent of all heavy truck accidents. (Source: National Sleep Foundation Web Site - Facts About Drowsy Driving:
www.sleepfoundation.org/activities/daaafacts.html)
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~~~~~
I once worked as a lumberjack,
but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
~~~~~
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other
day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small
sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife
called, she wants her sign back!"
~~~~~
I used to work in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.
~~~~~
"The factory of the future will be run by a
man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to make sure the
man doesn't touch the machines." -- Dr. Barry Asmus
~~~~~
I became a professional fisherman,
but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
~~~~~
Did You
Know?
The state with the highest percentage of people
who walk to work:
Alaska.
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~~~~~
Ten Things You Wish You Could Say At Work
- I can see your point, but I still think you're
full of crap.
- I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a hoot.
- How about "never?" Is "never" good for you?
- It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- Ahhh, I see the mess-up fairy has visited us again.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of co-workers.
- I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- Are you coming on to me or having a seizure?
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
~~~~~
I tried to be a chef. Figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme.
~~~~~
How to tell when you've had too much of the 90's:
- You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask
"Wanna go for a drink?" and they reply "Yeah, give me five minutes."
- Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
- When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the
phone with your company's name.
- When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
- You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
- Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
- Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
- You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.
- Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose all your
best jokes.
- Temps in your department outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get
long-service awards.
- Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World
countries annual budgets combined.
- It's dark when you drive to and from work.
- Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
- The intern gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours powers
up.
- Being sick is defined as 'you can't walk' or 'you're in the hospital.'
- You're already late on the assignment you just got.
- There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff
members your department is short, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
- Your boss's favorite lines are: When you've got a few
minutes... Could you fit this in?... in your spare time... when you're freed
up... I know you're busy but... I have an opportunity for you.
- Every week another brown collection envelope comes around because someone you didn't even know had started is leaving.
- You wonder who's going to be left to put into your 'leaving' collection.
- Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers."
- The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are on your desk.
- You only have make-up for fluorescent lighting.
- You've run out of family member's birthdays to use for all of the ATM and banking
PINs, e-mail passwords, computer codes, and voicemail IDs you need to remember.
- You read this entire list, kept nodding and smiling.
Submitted by Seps32
~~~~~
~~~~~
My last job was working at a coffee shop,
but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
~~~~~
thumbnail view
Management Outhouse
Sign for "Management" on top
Sign for "Employees" on bottom
~~~~~
I'm not saying our new receptionist is dumb, but this is how she filled out her insurance forms:
Date of Birth: January 12, 1978
Weight: 6 pounds, 10 ounces
Height: 20 inches
~~~~~
The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer, just send them the following:
To Whom It May Concern:
Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment at this time. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [Name of the Company]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately. I look forward to working with you. Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
Submitted by: Jesscf2000
~~~~~
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
~~~~~~
Typical Boss
A young executive
was leaving the office one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder
with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen", said the CEO, "this is important and my
assistant has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly", said the
young man, flattered that the CEO had asked him for help.
He turned the the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the
start button.
"Excellent! Excellent!" said the CEO as his paper
disappeared inside the machine. "I need two copies of that."
Submitted by Cicec
~~~~~
A feisty 70-year-old woman had
to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into
the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor.
"Labor charges!" she exclaimed. "It only took
you five minutes."
The repairman explained that his company had a minimum
one-hour
charge on every house call.
"Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor,"
the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 55
minutes in her yard bagging leaves.
If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of
those people who immediately quit their jobs. I'd make my boss's life a living hell for a week or two first.
Submitted by SueC
~~~~~
See more Workplace Humor from ButlerWebs...
[ Working
Folks - Page 1 ]
[ Working Folks - Office Humor - Page 2 ] [ Working Folks - Office Humor - Page 3 ] [ Working Folks - Office Humor - Page 4 ] [ Working Folks - Office Humor - Page 5 ] [ Links to Other Workplace Humor Web Sites ]
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This page was last edited 12/18/07.
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