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ButlerWebs welcomes you to... |
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100's
of
JOKES
& CARTOONS |
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Teachers, Students &
Education
Page 1
Jokes, Cartoons, Quips, One-Liners, and other
funny stuff
about teachers, students, professors, education, going to school, etc.
ENJOY!
Link to Teachers,
Students & Education Humor - Page 2
Scroll down to see the jokes! |
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A child comes home from his first day at school. His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."
~~~~~
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with
a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of
little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be
done. She called all the girls into the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were
causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked
the maintenance man to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror.
Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers and then there are TEACHERS.
~~~~~
Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told her young charges, "Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life."
From somewhere in the back of the room, came a small male voice chanting,
"Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda."
~~~~~
The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said ..."I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking."
Submitted by Sparkegrl
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There's more - keep
scrolling!
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The
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Humor Pages
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A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers, when her first grade class came back from lunch. Alice informed the teacher, "Paul has to go to the principal's office."
"I wonder why," the teacher mused.
"Because he's a following person," Alice replied.
"A what?" the teacher asked.
"It came over the loudspeaker: 'The following persons are to go to the office'."
~~~~~
A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything
they say happens at home!
~~~~~
One day in heaven, the Lord decided He would visit the earth and take a stroll. Walking down the road, He encountered a man who was crying.
The Lord asked the man, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said that he was blind and had never seen a sunset.
The Lord touched the man who could then see and was happy.
As the Lord walked further, He met another man crying and asked,
"Why are you crying, my son?" The man was born a cripple and was never able to walk. The Lord touched him and he could walk and he was happy.
Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who was crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said,
"Lord, I work for the school system."
And the Lord sat down and cried with him.
~~~~~
This is from a brand new teacher...
Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids, and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning.
Not only that, I'm to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, behaviorally modify disruptive behavior, and observe them for signs of abuse.
I am to fight racism, patriotism, the war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for guns and raise their self-esteem.
I'm to teach them good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook and how to apply for a job, but I am never to ask if they are in this country illegally.
I am to check their heads occasionally for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of potential antisocial behavior, offer advice, write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage a respect for the cultural diversity of others, and, oh yeah, teach, always making sure that I give the girls in my class fifty percent of my attention.
I'm required by my contract to be working on my own time (summers and evenings) and at my own expense towards additional certification, advanced certification and a master's degree, to sponsor the cheerleaders or the sophomore class (my choice) and after school.
I am to attend committee and faculty meetings and participate in staff development training to maintain my current certification and employment status.
I am to be a paragon of virtue larger than life, such that my very presence will awe my students into being obedient and respectful of authority.
I am to purchase supplies, room decorations, bulletin board supplies, supplies for children who can't afford them, and luxury items such as scissors, glue, scotch tape, paper clips, note book paper, red pens, and markers with my own money as there is no money in the budget for these items.
I'm to do all of this with just a piece of chalk, a few books and a bulletin board, and on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps in many states.
Is that all?
Author Unknown
Submitted by ARareJewelnLA
~~~~~
College Life
A study of 13,000 students in the American Journal of Public Health says those given free condoms in giveaway programs did not engage in more sex than others, and that the notion is unfounded. But they did douse more people with water balloons from their upper-floor dorm windows.
~~~~~
Tommy had reached school age. His
mother managed with a blast of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea. She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he'd meet and so on. Came the first day, he eagerly went off and came back home with a lot of glowing reports about school.
Next morning when she woke him up, he asked "What for ?" She told him it was time to get ready for school.
"What, again ?" he asked.
~~~~~
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52-years-old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
Submitted by Cicec
~~~~~
Returning to the University of Notre Dame after winter break one year, I was greeted by a freshly snow-blanketed campus. While admiring the scenery, I noticed a strange figure looming in the shadow of a campus building. Directly under the words "Radiation Laboratory" on the side
of the edifice stood a perfectly sculpted two-headed snowman.
~~~~~
Computer Class
For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards.
She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face.
She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor and quaking red-faced.
I started to type, "Leave me alone!"
They both jumped back, silenced. "What the . . . " the teacher said. I typed, "I said leave me alone!"
The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!" It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes.
Me: "Don't touch me!"
Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."
Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc. Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing.
After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.
Submitted by Cicec
~~~~~
One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40, we felt old, but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us.
"Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," I thought.
Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my friends and said, "Hello. Remember me? You taught me in third grade."
~~~~~
Four Sophomores
At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the quizzes,
mid-terms, and labs, etc., that each had an "A" for the semester.
These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to drive up to Charlottesville to the University of Virginia and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the hard partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points, something simple about free radical formation.
"Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "This is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page.
On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire was flat?
Submitted by Wax Z Car
~~~~~
Seen On A T-Shirt:
(On the front): Yale Is Just One Big Party.
(On the back): With a $25,000 Cover Charge
Submitted by DkSdBubba
~~~~~
"The gym teacher's name was Mr. Caruso. Mr. Caruso did not speak English. He spoke 'Gym.' One day I was playing basketball and Mr. Caruso told me I would have to get an athletic supporter. He didn't express himself exactly that way, though. He said, 'Hey, you, one day you're gonna go up for a rebound and the family jewels aren't gonna go with ya.' I had no idea what he was talking about. Next day I showed up for practice without my watch and my mezuzah. He said, 'Did ya take care of the family jewels?' I said, 'I left 'em in my locker.' Took us a half hour to
revive Mr. Caruso." -- Tommy Lasorda
~~~~~
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon
of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The
neighbors' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff!
ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "F--K OFF!", the dog ate him!"
~~~~~
Did You Know?
The following is just a myth...
The Main Library at Indiana University (or any other
university, college or school) sinks
a little every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
For
an interesting story about this "myth" and
many like it, see: Urban Legends Reference Pages: www.snopes.com/college/halls/sinking.htm
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This page was last edited 03/26/08.
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