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To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
~~~~~
Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home to tell me he would be late - again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon's quarters and they had to police the area.
I launched into a tirade, arguing that many men had pictures hanging in their quarters at our previous post, so his new platoon should not be penalized for something trivial.
My husband calmly listened to my gripes and then explained, "Kathy, Dirty Magazines means the clips from their rifles had not been properly cleaned."
~~~~~
Q. How many marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. 5 -- four take the corners of the house, lift it with awesome Marine power, turn it clockwise, while the fifth Marine holds the light bulb and turns it counter clockwise.
Submitted by LCPL. K.S.
~~~~~
Having passed the enlistment physical, John was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."
~~~~~
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While my son was on board the Navy carrier USS
George Washington, the air wing was busy with training missions. After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic
controller accidentally left his microphone on and remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just
like Elmer Fudd."
The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened,
realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment. After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence
by announcing, "Be vewy, vewy quiet. We are hunting submawenes."
~~~~~
Did You
Know?
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse
has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg
in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all
four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
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~~~~~
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This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations
10-10-95.
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Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a
Collision.
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Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a
collision.
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Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR
course.
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Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR
course.
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Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
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Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
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~~~~~
If the enemy is within range, so are you.
~~~~~
Getting the Ship Under Way
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under
way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under
way.
The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules - make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way."
~~~~~
A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan,
stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
~~~~~
Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.
~~~~~
A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune.
"One Marine is better than ten taliban". The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One Marine is better than one hundred taliban". Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The voice calls out again "One Marine is better than one thousand Taliban". The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, its a trap. There's actually two of them.
Submitted by LCPL. K.S.
~~~~~
I got these out of
"Readers Digest" years ago and have had them in my wallet since I'm an Ex-Naval Signalman myself.
James C.
Shortly before the fall of Hong Kong in 1941, I was serving on a patrol vessel when we saw a Japanese transport vessel towing one of the local junks. As we approached, the junk was released, but soon a Japanese destroyer arrived on the scene and hoisted a signal ordering us to stop. We ignored it, so they hoisted another signal saying they would fire a warning shot across our bow.
The Captain turned to the signalman and told him to hoist THZZZ.
"It will keep them busy trying to find that in the code book," he said.
"What does it mean?" asked the signalman.
"It's the nearest I can get to a raspberry," replied the captain.
~~~~~
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a
signal: "Change your course ten degrees east."
The light signals back: "Change yours, ten degrees west."
Angry, the captain sends: "I'm a navy captain! Change your course, sir!"
"I'm a seaman, second class," comes the reply. "Change your course, sir."
Now the captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!"
There's one last reply. "I'm a lighthouse. Your call!"
Submitted by James C.
~~~~~
An Army Ranger was on vacation in Louisiana and
wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes. However, the local vendors were asking
very high prices. So the Army Ranger decided to go into the swamps and get
his own alligator and then have the shoes made at a more reasonable price.
When he mentioned this to one of the shopkeepers, he was told that he might run into a couple of Marines who
had decided to do the same thing.
So the Ranger headed into the bayou and a few hours later
he saw the two Marines. They were standing waist deep in the water. The Ranger
then saw a huge gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.
Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.
The Ranger then heard one of the Marines shout, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"
~~~~~
Military Computer
The US succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question:
"Attack or retreat?"
The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer:
"Yes."
The generals look at each other, bewildered. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer:
"Yes what?"
Instantly the computer responded: "Yes sir."
~~~~~
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www.americasupportsyou.mil
~~~~~
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This page was last edited 01/18/06.
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