| ButlerWebs welcomes you to
100's of... |
JOKES
& 
CARTOONS
Bloopers,
Funny Signs, Ads & Headlines
This page is for all kinds of funny stuff that has been printed, published or otherwise
presented to the public -- with a slight error or big mistake that makes it really
funny.
ENJOY!
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Auto
Repairs, Body Shops, Etc.
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Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary.
We hear you coming."
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At An Auto Body Shop:
"May we have the next dents?"
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Sign in 'George's Service Station'
Glen Ellen, CA:
If your car sounds like:
"ping-click-ping" - $10.00
"click-whine-click" - $25.00
"clunk-whine-clunk" - $50.00
"thud-clunk-thud" - $100.00
"clang-thudc-clang" - $300.00
"Can't describe it" - $500.00
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At An Auto Repair Service Station:
Free pick-up and delivery.
Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. |
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At A Tire Shop In Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout." |
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At a Towing Company:
"We don't want an arm and a leg.
We want your tows." |
Sign at a Chicago radiator shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak." |
~~~Top - Directory~~~
Churches |
| On a Church Door:
This is the gate of Heaven.
Enter ye all by this door.
(This door is kept locked because of the draft.
Please use side entrance)
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Actual Clippings From Church Bulletins:
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Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
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Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
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Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
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Smile at someone who is hard to love.
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Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy sinning to join the choir.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
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Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.-prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours
Be sure to see our Religious
Humor Section, too!
~~~Top - Directory~~~
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Funny Classified
Ads |
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Free Puppies
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog
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Cows, Calves -- Never Bred
Also 1 Gay Bull For Sale.
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~~~Top - Directory~~~
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Doctors
& Hospitals |
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Over a gynecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
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In a veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
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Door of a plastic surgeon's office:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
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On a maternity room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
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At an optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."
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In a podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels." |
At a proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in." |
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~~~Top - Directory~~~
Laundromats
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In a Laundromat:
Automatic washing machines.
Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out. |
~~~Top - Directory~~~
Miscellaneous |
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Festival Sign.
I couldn't find this word in the unabridged dictionary.
Submitted by BCR
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thumbnail view
Submitted by Brahim - Thanks!
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Submitted by Prentiss Riddle
Visit his great Web site at: www.io.com/~riddle
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| In A
Safari Park:
Elephants Please Stay In Your Car |
At a propane filling
station:
"Tank heaven for little grills." |
| Message
On A Leaflet:
If you cannot read,
this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
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At The Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your bill.
However, if you don't, you will be."
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On A Scientist's Door:
"Gone Fission"
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On A Taxidermist's Window:
"We really know our stuff."
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Outside A Hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."
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In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully.
We'll wait." |
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At A Farmer's Field:
"The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges."
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On A Billboard - Ad For A Safe Company:
"If your stuff is stolen, it's not our vault."
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| Quicksand
Warning:
Quicksand.
Any person passing this point will be drowned.
By order of the District Council. |
Sign spotted on the back window of a small car being pulled by a motor home:
"I go where I'm towed."
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On a fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive." |
At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -
miss a car payment." |
Don't Even THINK About Thinking About Parking Here!
This sign was submitted by Prentiss Riddle
Be sure to visit his site at: http://aprendizdetodo.com |
~~~Top - Directory~~~
| Offices |
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Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or
further steps will be taken. |
After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the
draining board. |
A sign on the elevator door:
"This elevator is out of whack." Later someone had penciled in, "More whack is on order." |
In a nonsmoking area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and we will Put you out." |
Seen
During A Conference:
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it,
there is a day care on the first floor. |
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~~~Top - Directory~~~
Plumbers
& Electricians |
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Submitted by Gina: Here in Boise, Idaho there's a sign I drive by almost every day on the way to work that makes me laugh. You can call these people to fix your
plumbing. Their slogan is:
"The Best Place in Town to Take a Leak"
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On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
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On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
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On an electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts." |
~~~Top - Directory~~~
Restaurants |
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Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
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In A Restaurant Window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry,
come in and get fed up."
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This has got to be the most popular Asian
restaurant around!
Thumbnail View
Submitted by Kara |
I saw this on my way to work this morning!
(For those of you not from Northern Oakland County, Clutch Cargo is an old
church-turned-nightclub, complete with 4 floors of evil in Pontiac, Michigan)
Thumbnail View
Submitted by: skildal@hpcpub.com |
~~~Top - Directory~~~
Restrooms |
| In
A Restroom:
Toilet out of order.
Please use floor below.
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In A Washroom Stall:
"To avoid flooding please do not flush anything but toilet paper."
Submitted by Phil Sullivan
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Bill's Septic Cleaning
"We Haul American Made Products"
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Get a Little John -- The Traveling Urinal
Holds 2-1/2 Bottles of Beer
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Headline:
GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL
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On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business". |
~~~Top - Directory~~~
Stores |
| Outside
a Second-Hand Shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc.
Why not bring your wife along and
get a wonderful bargain. |
In
a Department Store:
Bargain Basement Upstairs |
| In
A Dry Cleaner's Window:
Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. |
In
A Health Food Shop Window:
Closed due to illness. |
| On
A Repair Shop Door:
We can repair anything
(Please knock hard on the door -
the bell doesn't work)
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MegaFlicks
Taken in New Port Ritchie, Florida. MegaFlicks is a video store.
They should have used another font for their sign.
Thumbnail View
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Funny Sign
A billboard near Louisville, Kentucky
advertises
Tattoos...While You Wait
Submitted by DennisJohnnyB
NOTE: On 8/16/01 We received an E-mail from
Tatoo Charlie's:
"Hello, on you bloopers page there is a comment about the tattoo studio
in Louisville's slogan. The name of the place is actually Tattoo Charlie's. Our slogan is "Tattoos While -U-Wait." I will send you a
picture of one of our billboards if you want to include it on your page also.
Keep up the good work on your site. It's very funny.
Buddy Wheeler
Tattoo Charlie's of KY, Inc.
www.tattoocharlies.com
So we checked out his site - NICE!
And of course we're gonna ask for a picture of the sign!! Watch
for it soon...in the meantime, please visit their Web site where you can take a virtual tour of the South's only tattoo museum.
Tattoo Charlie's of KY
1845 Berry Blvd. Louisville, KY 40215
(502) 366-9635
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~~~Top - Directory~~~
thumbnail view
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Interview
Bloopers
From Actual Interviews
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Inspiration &
Motivation
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Thoughts...
Ever notice how people who tell you to calm down
are the ones who got you mad in the first place? |
~~ Top
of Page ~~
Quick Links to
the 100's of Jokes &
Cartoons Categories:
[ 100's of Jokes & Cartoons - Home
Page & Index ]
[ Animals, Pets & Critters ] [ Automotive & Driving Humor ] [ Babyboomers, Over-The-Hill Humor - 4 Pages! ] [ Blonde Jokes & Riddles - 6 Pages! ] [ Bloopers, Funny Ads & Signs ] [ Brain Teasers - 2 Pages! ] [ Bumper Stickers - 2 Pages! ] [ Chick With Nice Knockers ] [ Christmas Humor - 2 Pages! ] [ COMIC CORNER - Featuring Cartoonists! ] [ Computer & Internet Humor - 2 Pages! ] [ Diet, Exercise, Fitness Humor ] [ Divorce Humor ] [ Drinking, Party & Hangovers - 2 Pages! ] [ Driving A Car Humor ] [ Female Bashing ] [ Firefighters ] [ Grandparents ] [ Groaners & Puns - 2 Pages! ] [ Hunting, Fishing, Camping, Outdoors ] [ Insults, Pick-Up Lines, Come-Backs ] [ Kids Say The Funniest Things - 3 Pages! ] [ Lawyer Jokes - 2 Pages! ] [ Links to Other Humor Web Sites ] [ Little Johnny & Little Mary Jokes ] [ Male Bashing - 5 Pages! ] [ Mammogram & Menopause Humor ] [ Marriage & Relationships - 3 Pages! ] [ Medical & Dental Humor - 5 Pages! ] [ Military Humor - 2 Pages! ] [ Parents, Grandparents & Kids - 2 Pages! ] [ Police Humor - 2 Pages! ] [ Pregnancy Humor ] [ Redneck Humor - 3 Pages! ] [ Religious Humor - 5 Pages! ] [ Riddles! ] [ Tax Time! Income Tax Humor ] [ Teachers, Students, Education - 2 Pages! ] [ Toilet & Bathroom Humor - 6 Pages! ] [ Travel Humor ] [ Word Humor & Funny Definitions ] [ Working Folks - Office Humor - 6 Pages! ] [ One-Liners ] [ Miscellaneous Humor - 2 Pages! ]
This page was last edited 02/03/05.
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