CONCERNS FOR BABY BOOMERS...
Then & Now
Submitted by SLgraber
Then: Long hair.
Now: Longing for hair.
Then: Keg
Now: EKG.
Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux.
Then: Moving to California because it's cool.
Now: Moving to California because it's warm.
Then: You're growing pot.
Now: You're growing a pot.
Then: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
Now: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your kids.
Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
Then: Seeds and stems.
Now: Roughage.
Then: Popping pills, smoking joints.
Now: Popping joints.
Then: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
Now: Our president's struggle with fidelity.
Then: Paar.
Now: AARP.
Then: Being caught with Hustler magazine.
Now: Being caught by Hustler magazine.
Then: Killer weed.
Now: Weed killer.
Then: Hoping for a BMW.
Now: Hoping for a BM.
Then: The Grateful Dead.
Now: Dr. Kevorkian.
Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
Now: Getting a new hip joint.
~~~~~
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-- Janette Barber
~~~~~
"Inside every older person is a younger person...
wondering what the hell happened."
~~~~~
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You're Lost Between Baby
Boomer & Generation X If...
Submitted by CRE 43
- You remember when Jordache jeans with a flat-handle comb in the
back pocket was cool.
- Any photograph of you shows you wearing an Izod shirt with the
collar turned up.
- You know any "Weird Al" Yankovic songs by heart.
- You've ever rung someone's doorbell and said
"Landshark!"
- You were once bowled over by the technological excellence of such
products as Atari, IntelliVision, TelStar and Coleco.
- You remember the premier of MTV -- or worse yet, you remember its
predecessor, "Friday Night Videos."
- You and your friends ever discussed having a reunion at the end
of the century and playing Prince's "1999" until you passed out partying.
- A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid.
- You remember when music that was labeled "alternative"
really was alternative, and when "alternative comedy" was really funny.
- You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the minivan.
- You rode in the back of the station wagon
facing the cars behind you.
- You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the
following phrases: "You know, back when...," "When I was your age...,"
or "When I was younger..."
- Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you learned things
like grammar, math and history. (A big hint here is if the only way you can recite the
Preamble to the Constitution is by singing it.)
- You ever dressed to look like someone in a Madonna, Cyndi Lauper
or Duran Duran video.
- You remember your first kiss with someone having happened while
either "Leather and Lace" or "Crazy for You" was playing.
- You remember with pain the day the Green Machine hit the streets
(or the sidewalks), instantly making your Big Wheel obsolete.
- The age-old question "Where's the beef?" still makes
you laugh.
- You remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever
possibly have more advanced special effects than "TRON."
- You had a crush on Ted the photographer on "Love
Boat," Gage from "Emergency," or Ponch from "CHIPS."
- Your hair at some point in time in the '80s could only be
described by saying "I was experimenting."
- You've ever shopped at Benetton.
- You're starting to believe that having the kids in school
year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.
- You're currently employed doing something that has absolutely
nothing to do with your college major.
- U2 is too popular and mainstream for you now.
- You remember trying to guess which episode of "The Brady
Bunch" it was by the first scene.
- You had a front-row seat (i.e., blew off one or more classes)
for Luke and Laura's wedding on "GH."
- Your parents wanted you to attend medical school, but you
decided it was pointless since Quincy got all the babes anyway.
- You know who shot J.R.
- You recall when Love's Baby Soft was in every girl's Christmas
stocking.
- This rings a bell: "My name is Charlie, and they work for
me."
- You were unsure if Diet Coke would ever catch on. (Related
item: you were sure that "New Coke" would NEVER catch on.)
- You know all the words to the double-album set of the
"Grease" soundtrack.
- You've ever had a Dorothy Hamill haircut.
- You sat with your friends on any given Friday night circa 1982
and dialed 867-5309 to see if Jenny was actually there.
- "All skate, change directions" means something to you.
- You've ever owned a pair of rainbow suspenders like the ones
Mork used to wear.
- You bought a pair of Vanns and wanted to order a pizza in
history class so you could be just like Jeff Spicoli. (Related item: if you've ever
smacked yourself in the head with a shoe and exclaimed, "I'm so wasted!")
- You owned a Preppy Handbook.
- You were too young to see "Blue Lagoon," so you just
had to settle for the second-hand reports.
- You remember when movies were only PG and R.
- You learned to swim at about the same time "Jaws" came
out....and still carry the emotional scars to prove it.
- You remember when your cable TV box had a sliding selector
switch... and your "cable remote" was connected to the TV by CORD!
- Your jaw would ache by the time you finished one of those
brick-sized packages of Bazooka.
- You remember Bo and Luke Duke, Daisy, Boss
Hogg, or-worst of
all-what Sheriff Roscoe's full name was.
- Your parents paid $2,000 for a top-loading VCR that was almost
the size of a coffee table.
- You found nothing strange about Bert and Ernie living together.
- You remember having a rotary phone.
- You actually believed that Mikey, famed kid on the Life cereal
commercials, died after eating Pop Rocks and drinking a Coke.
- "Members Only" jackets...say no more.
- And lastly, I'll make a song stick in your head for the rest of
the day: ...you actually remember the words to the theme song of "The Greatest
American Hero." ("BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I'M WALKIN' ON AIR...I NEVER THOUGHT
I COULD FEEL SO FREE-EE-EE...")
Author: Michelle Waugh at ATISSI51
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~~~~~
Remember When?
When there were two types of sneakers for girls and boys (Keds & PF Flyers), and the only time you wore them at school, was for "gym."
~~~~~
Senility Prayer
God, grant me the Senility
To forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune
To run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight
To tell the difference.
~~~~~
For people born in 1982...
-
They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and probably did not know he had ever been shot.
-
They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
-
Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.
-
There has been only one Pope.
-
They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold War.
-
They have never feared a nuclear war.
-
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
-
Tianamen Square means nothing to them.
-
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
-
Bottle caps have always been twist off and plastic.
-
Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums.
-
The expression, "You sound like a broken record", means nothing to them.
-
They have never owned a record player.
-
A "45" to them has always meant a gun, and a needle is for IV drug users.
-
They may have never heard of an 8-track.
-
The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 1 year old.
-
They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong.
-
As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 33 cents.
-
They have always had an answering machine.
-
Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black-and-white TV.
-
They have always had cable. There has always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA is.
-
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
-
They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.
-
Roller-skating has always meant inline for them.
-
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
-
They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
-
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
-
They have never seen Larry Bird play.
-
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
-
The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as is WWI, WWII and the Civil War.
-
They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
-
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
-
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
-
They've never heard: "Where's the beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, de plane" on TV.
-
They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is.
-
The Titanic was found? They thought we always knew where it was.
-
Michael Jackson has always been white.
-
Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not recording artists.
-
McDonalds never came in Styrofoam containers.
-
There has always been MTV.
-
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
-
There have always been computers, and internet.
-
Chances are good that they've changed IP providers more than they've changed schools.
-
There has always been "Monday Night Football" on ABC.
-
Baseball's Giants have always been in San Francisco.
-
"I Love Lucy" has always been in reruns.
-
Jeep has always been a part of Chrysler, and they've never heard of
American Motors or most likely not even Lee Iacocca.
-
They can't understand why we laugh at pictures of Gerald Ford.
Do you feel old yet?
Submitted by GoneHuntin2
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~~~~~
Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see
your rear end without turning around!
~~~~~
I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles
out of my face. Submitted by SandyD ~~~~~
Miss Bea was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring. She welcomed him into her Victorian parlor, and invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. It was filled with water, and floating on top - of all things - a condom. Imagine his shock and
surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely, Miss Bea had flipped or something. But he certainly couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor.
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him. He could resist no longer.
"Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" (pointing to the bowl).
"Oh yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. The directions said
to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know...I haven't had a cold all winter."
Submitted by Kara
~~~~~
"Genuine Antique Person," Been there, done that, can't remember!
~~~~~
I'm not aging, I just need re-potting.
~~~~~
Midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down.
This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
~~~~~
An elderly woman
entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman.
"Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked.
"Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa."
"You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.
"Sectional, schmectional." she bitterly retorted.
"All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!"
~~~~~
25 Signs That You Have Grown Up
- Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
- Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
- You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
- 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
- You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
- You watch the Weather Channel.
- Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "breakup."
- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
- Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
- You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door
won't turn down the stereo.
- Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
- You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
- Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
- You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
- Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
- You take naps from noon to 6 PM
- Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
- Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
- If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
- A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
- You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
- "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
- 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
- You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
- You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.
Submitted by Brenda
~~~~~
There's MORE!
BabyBoomers - Page 2 Page
3 Page 4
~~ Top of Page ~~
The
'Art' of Falling Apart!
LOL! - Cute One-Pager
~~~~~
~~~~~
See Butler Webs' General Category: OLDER
FOLKS
Interesting items about those of us who are
"over the hill", aging, "mid-life", elderly, senior
citizens, and even more humor!
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